Lani C. Page

Travel & Insight

I Think My Pastor is an Alien

I have made  GREAT discovery! Well, it seems like it should be a great discovery. It seems logical now…

Alien from Star Trek. Is he your pastor?

I have spent many years with my pastor, and it still amazes me how many people do not realize that the pastor is a real human being. They treat them weird and say things to pastors that they would never say to anyone else. Perhaps the idea lies in the portrayal of the confession booth of the Catholic Church in movies. I’m sure even the priests sigh, “Really!?! I guess we’re gonna have a busy week.”

10 Myths about Pastoral Aliens

1. They are immune to the full spectrum of human emotion, except when they want your money.

2. They love being woken up in the middle of the night to hear your complaints.

3. They love receiving threats on their families because you didn’t like what they said on Sunday morning.

4. They are all knowing, and can morph into whatever you need.

5. They will do house visits to pray over your baby toe.

6. They don’t do any actual “work”. There is no need for an appointment, they are available for the whole world at anytime.

7. They find extreme gratification in you eagerly nodding your head in a counseling session, and the doing the exact opposite of every suggestion they made to help you.

8. They don’t need family time. Their entire family understands that you, a non-tithing life sucker, is more important than them.

9. They don’t use money. All the housing, heat and food is somehow mysteriously paid out of some account that they just think about and the bill is paid.

10. They never sin. As an alien, they are above all human desires, and therefore lead perfect lives.

Next time you go see a pastor and it doesn’t go the way you think it should, remember that they are human, and they still need to eat, or drive somewhere, or organize their day just like everyone else.

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This entry was posted on September 11, 2012 by and tagged , , , , , , , .

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